This is how it began...
My associates,
Good morrow! How art thou? ‘Tis my week for washing and wiping up next week. Ah, ‘tis a great sorrow. I shall see thee upon my return,
Alyssa
I was put in charge of our office’s washing and wiping up roster. I would keep track of whose week it was, and email the person to inform them of the fact.
To Jody,
There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to stand up, make his way over to the sink, and start washing and wiping up. This is your time, Jody, so fight the good fight against germs and grime. Do what is right, and do it for your country.
-Alyssa
P.S. Though ye walk through the shadow of the valley of dirt, ye shall fear no evil, for washing detergent is with ye.
I began trying to make the emails a bit more interesting, more for my sake than theirs. Anything to take my mind off of my work was a welcome release.
You’re listening to KBAY, Moonlight Bay’s first official radio station. I’m Theo Zohn. Coming up, we chat to Michael Jackson about his newfound fame on the rodeo circuit, and Catherine Zeta-Jones reveals all in an exclusive interview about her affair with Hollywood super-hunk, Sean Connery. But now, here’s Alyssa Kallio with the third single from her award-winning album “Beware Of Pink Fluffy Bunnies”, it’s “(Your turn to) Doo Doo Doo-Wap the Dishes”.
This continued for some time...
“Once you start, you can never stop.” That was the warning Frederick Johnson gave to his grandson Billy, on the eve of the child’s 8th birthday. Billy, being naïve in his young age, simply dismissed the admonition as the incoherent ramblings of a man advanced in his years, but it was, in fact, much more. Frederick knew of the dangers his grandson would someday face. He had faced them himself, many years ago, when he too was a young boy. But the child would not listen. More concerned with his toys, Billy did not once think about the advice he had received from his grandfather. The boy was doomed. Frederick sighed. I guess he’ll just have to find out the hard way, he thought. Fred cringed as the inevitable moment came... Billy’s mother called him in to do the washing and wiping up for the first time. Billy ran to the kitchen.
A room of people sitting in a circle of chairs. One girl stands out as looking particularly nervous. She stands, takes a deep breath and clears her throat.
Alyssa: Hi, my name’s Alyssa, and I’m a dishwashaholic.
Everyone: Hi Alyssa.
Group Leader: Good work, Alyssa, you’ve taken your first step on the road to recovery. The following step is a critical one. The next time you have the opportunity to wash and wipe up, you must decline. Do not touch the dishwashing detergent. Do not fill the sink with water. Don’t even go near the kitchen.
(a sob is heard, and we cut to a very distraught Alyssa, who is still standing)
Alyssa: I’m sorry, I... I can’t do this.
Group Leader: You can, Alyssa, and you will. Don’t give up, you’ve already come so far.
Alyssa: (speaks softly, a tear rolling down her cheek) But I have to...
Group Leader: Have to what?
Alyssa: I have to wash the dishes... It’s my turn to do it at work, and... I just have to.
Group Leader: (hesitates) You mean your office has a washing and wiping up roster?
Alyssa: Yes.
Group Leader: And it’s your turn this week?
Alyssa: That’s right.
Group Leader: In that case, I’m sorry, I can’t help you.
Alyssa: (confused) Excuse me?
Group Leader: I can’t fight the powers that be. You’re on your own.
Alyssa: (taken aback) OK... um, bye then... (walks out of room)
Everyone: Bye Alyssa.
Eventually it became an illness...
Carissa,
Until the end of time, I shall remember... the way the water shone under the bright fluorescent lights, the unctuous caress of the detergent on my skin, the muffled sound of the dishes colliding underneath the frothy water. All of this, every precious moment, I give to you. You shall now know the tremendous joy a sparkling plate can bring. You, the chosen one, must embark on this exhilarating adventure with the utmost fervency, every afternoon for one continuous week. Enjoy and cherish the opportunity, but remember, washing the dishes can be a treacherous task. Be extremely careful not to be surpassed by your departure time of 5pm, lest you be abandoned in the murky abyss that is our workplace.
Yours sincerely,
Alyssa
Roses are red
Sometimes they’re pink
Stop your complaining
And get to the sink!
(A Poem by Desley, my mother)
“I’ll never do it!” I spat ferociously, a bitter taste of disgust forming in my mouth. They wanted me to do the dishes again. I couldn’t believe it! It had been barely 4 weeks since the last time I entered the kitchen, that chasm of darkness and dread, and filled the sink with disgustingly soapy water. Every aspect of the process horrified me – the sickening way the cloth rubbed up against the plates and cups, the horrible sound of the water being sucked down into the maze of pipes below, and especially the wrinkly, pruny skin you were left with afterwards. I turned to flee from the office, but my path was suddenly blocked by a huge, looming figure. “You WILL DO THE DISHES!” a deep, rumbling voice bellowed from the mouth of my adversary. I quivered violently, my knees giving way beneath me. I fell to the ground. Feeling a large hand grab hold of my arm and snatch me up from the sanctuary of the floorboards, I shrieked in terror. It was to no avail. My gigantic foe hurled me towards the kitchen and walked away, leaving me alone in my misery. I sighed, and finally resigned to my fate. I was destined to do the dishes for a whole week. I shuddered in terror.
Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I’m homebound...
I started out at 3:00 that morning, after the phone call, and hadn’t stopped since. No-one seemed to notice the sobs of grief that burst from my mouth every few minutes, nor the tears flowing from my eyes. I didn’t mind. I relished the nonchalance of the people around me, their egocentric natures kept me from having to answer to anyone. Stopping to explain my feelings would prolong the journey, and I had to get home.
Staring blankly ahead, making a way, making my way through the crowd...
I walked quickly through the crowded street, pushing my way past hundreds of unfamiliar faces. The tears that had been streaming down my cheeks had dried, leaving faint streaks on my face. Reaching the doorstep of my building, I paused, a long-awaited smile crossing my face for a fleeting second. Grim determination drove the smile away, and sent me up the stairs to my apartment.
“Thank goodness you’re here!” I heard as I entered the room. “The dishes haven’t been washed!” Without a word, I made me way to the kitchen, and donned the traditional rubber gloves. It was time for me to do the washing and wiping up.
(Lyrics from ‘A Thousand Miles’ by Vanessa Carlton)
There once was a man on the brink
Of desperately needing a drink
There was no clean cup
So he simply stood up
And made his way back to the sink
It cannot be stopped...
posted by Alyssa @ 10:23 AM
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